Till nothing hurts anymore
by Shruika
Summary: One-shot songfiction centred on a mistreated nine-year-old Hiruma Youichi. The song reminded me of the Hiruma in my by now completed story 'Silent Noise',so I couldn't resist writing my idea down. Since he's still young,naturally his character's different


_Music/Lyrics: Keane, "Playing Along"_

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_At the start of the news day  
The fires begin  
__In words and in pictures  
__But I'm not listening  
__I'm not taking it in_

Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it. It doesn't even exist. What's there to eat today? … shit, the fridge is empty. Beer doesn't count. Cigarettes neither. I'm actink as if I don't hear a thing, it's like I'm all alone in here. In this house, I'm all alone right now. There's nothing to hear aside from myself and the stray cats in front of the door. What was I looking for? … ah, yeah. Looks like I have to visit the supermarket again. Or maybe… I'll try to get farther today. There must be some little shop in the village beyond the river. I'm going there. It'll need at least two hours to get there so I won't be home too soon.  
And it will be - quieter there. Definitely.

_I'm going to go to the country  
__Where nothing goes on  
__Going to bury my head  
__Where I can't hear the sound of bombs  
__Playing along_

… fuck. That hurt. No, it doesn't. It's not much, really, I've got no reason to whine like a stupid little child. I'm not a stupid little child. So stop treating me like one. … no.… I understand. I'm sorry. … really, I'm sorry! Why won't you believe me?! I won't do it again, I promise, I - … my head's spinning, my body feels heavy and like one whole bruise. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear these sounds of whining, these pitiful sounds. The worst is that it's me who's making them. That's the worst…

_Me, I'm just playing along  
__You and I, so many good people  
__All just playing along_

You're the one who made me, aren't you?! It wasn't me who chose to be with you, it wasn't me who chose how I would look, it wasn't me who chose my existence! All I do when I'm home, when I'm in the same vacant place as you, is trying to get along. Trying to be as quiet as possible, as obedient as possible, as invisible as possible. But it doesn't work most of the time. You just don't want it to work, do you. It's as if you want me to disturb you, as if you force me to do something wrong.  
My head's still spinning. My body hurts and I'm getting sick. It's nauseous...  
Your voice echoes in my ears, my head, my thoughts… it's so loud. You're so damned loud but there's no way I could tell you to speak in a lower voice to me. I can't risk to get unconscious. Not again…

_I'm going to go to a bar  
__Where the jukebox is on  
__Going to shut out the noise  
__With a rock'n'roll song  
__Playing along_

I don't want to hear it anymore. Don't want to hear anything anymore. It's enough by now, isn't it? The stray cats are purring as I open the door. I'm leaving but you're shouting behind me. Don't worry, I won't be home before you go to sleep. I have a long way before me. And I'm still hungry. So don't worry about that.  
I wish I could erase all that noise. Everything around me now seems to shout me down. Seems to scream right into my face just for the sake of it. It's like the next punishment for walking this way. I don't want to think about it. I wish I could forget what he said to me. Somehow, it's hurting. No, this time not the body. This time I mean my – my… not sure, most people would call it heart. But I know there's no way my heart would feel pain because of something like this. It's just an ordinary organe. Isn't it?  
But then – it hurts right there.  
And I don't want to think about it. Neither about my heart nor my burning bruises.

_I'm going to turn up the volume  
__I'm going to turn up the volume  
__I'm going to turn up the volume  
__Till I can't even think_

Left to me, on the other side of the road, is an American Base. I've been there before but unfortunately got kicked out. I'll try to get in another time again. I think the games they play there are quite funny and even – interesting. Usually, there aren't that many things I find interesting enough to give them a second thought. But those gambles and their American Football… it's got something that draws me to them.  
After one of the teams wins, they look so unbeatable, so tall – as if they could never lose anything they started with victory in mind.  
Fucking annoying.  
… I wish I were like them, too.

_Tell us a tale of the proud and the free  
__Sing us a swing time American melody  
__From Follow The Fleet_

But what am I actually doing? There's no other place I could go to. I'm too – too young as to be anything else than a fucking child. A stupid, little, unimportant child. In truth, most adults are much more stupid. Most of them are so predictable. But if you tell them anything they don't want to hear, they find ways to make you shut up. Just because they're bigger and stronger than you. And it's like you're crushed under their anger.  
There are so many people and the people say they're different but when it comes down to it, people are all the same. Superficial, predictable, lying, annoying and selfish. And I'm afraid of not being able to avoid all of those characteristics when I grow up.  
But fortunately, there are always exceptions. I'm doing my best to be one. Regarding my pace of thinking and how easily I can keep things in mind compared to others, I am already. And yet… whilst hoping not to become like those adults, I try not to disturb my their world. Try not to be too noticeable, too strange, too different. Like all the other people that I loathe so much. And I don't want to think about it anymore…

_Me, I'm just playing along  
__You and I, a billion people  
__All just playing along_

My stomach makes weird sounds as I'm leaving the town behind. Hopefully, the next shop will have something good to eat. Although my feet are going and going, it's as if I'll need ages to climb they rocky way up to the river. It's really hindering to be that small. Why can't I be as tall as those soldiers? Even though they're adults, their height is something enviable. I hope I will grow soon. Very soon.  
The noise of the town decreases the farther I go but in the back of my mind he's still shouting. And I'm just not able to stop thinking about anything, reflecting on what happenend. What happens every day. Those thoughts are going to crush me. Are going to crush me just like those words, just like those hands.

Next thing I'll do when I'm back in town – I will sneek into some electric shop and rip off a CD-player together with the next music I can grab. There has to be a way to make this fucking noise stop.  
Automatically, I turn around expecting – whatever. But of course, no-one's there. It's just the noise and me. Enough, for my share.

_I'm going to turn up the volume  
__I'm going to turn up the volume  
__I'm going to turn up the volume  
__Till I can't even think_


End file.
